Just to think,
That I'm going to keep pushing you away,
With all these storms that trouble my mind
But you're going to keep running back to me,
fighting against my wind
Just how could you ever exist?
You're going to cry out to me,
and yell above the thunder of my dark thoughts,
saying, "Just let me please"
And I would be confused about why you would dare
to come any near
Just how could you ever exist?
And I might secretly want to believe in you,
I might not even admit it, but I could hardly believe
that anyone would want to go through all the trouble
of trying to calm my own storms,
when I couldn't even do it myself
Just how could you ever exist?
My demons have clouded my sight,
trying to blind me with my own lightning,
but you're going to keep holding on tight,
hoping you'd eventually see the sun's light,
that would dry up all of these tears
that I've always failed to hide
And then you're still going to stay,
even when I might just break into another storm
that could always come back another day
Just how could you ever exist?
And the longer you'd stay by my side,
there's nothing else I could do
And I wish I could more than apologize
for all that you'd have to go through
because of me
But then you'd still love me anyways—
not just because you see something in me,
but you also have a storm of your own
that you'd wish to battle with me
-
To The One Who I Don’t Know Yet
-
Mon Stylo Saignant
I’m gonna be honest here: I’m not a good poet because my pen is possessed, my mind is a mess. I don’t have a rhythm and I don’t like to rhyme if it hinders my thoughts. I have a storm that makes me go in circles and trip, and sometimes the wind picks me up so I know how it’s like to drift, even when I’m strapped in a seat belt in a car going straight. I don’t like it when words taste like metal, or when they sound like plastic, and for some reason I’m noticing this more and more often— It’s hard to see invisible words in the air. I don’t mean to seem like I don’t see you either, cause everything’s a fast blur ’til I’m in my place, I apologize for each and every time you’re pushed away... by a gust of wind, the turbulence of bottling in, trying to keep my lines even. But the thunder doesn’t roll, it implodes, and my pen seems to move on her own, But maybe that’s because I’m in denial. I know my pen’s true self when it’s just the two of us, she’s the most insane and frightening I know. She rides with the clouds, no matter how dark, and I don’t always get what she says and why. Cause she carries a glass filled over the top, can’t help but repeat herself to herself, and would write in all caps like a slop... Well she can say a ton of words that are otherwise numb, and she can loudly scream without any sound. But whenever she stops and falters, I’d either hear the buzzing of words getting tangled up, or the crushing deep vacuum of outer space. And I’d remember that me and my pen are the same, my reflection's right here on the page. And then I always have to clean up her mess so you can read it. And it does seem to take a while longer, but it’s disappointing how it’ll never turn out the way I want it to be. There’s still a million other words that you just cannot see... I cannot put two different sentences on top of each other if they don’t make sense anywhere else, and then there are some things that don’t fit anywhere at all. And so I spend too much time trying to think of how to fill in the holes, so you don’t fall through, but I cannot fill in every one of them... So I’d really love if I could just write out of the lines and to be able to see those invisible words in the air and to never again find myself saying words that taste like metal. Especially during times like this when I’m terrified you’d miss something important.
-
Stardust
Down the hallway, Arielle followed the man in a white lab coat. Their shoes made no sound on the cold grey floor, and the soft white lights illuminated the walls.Soon, the man stopped to look at the ceiling. Arielle stepped up to his side and looked at him, wondering what he saw. Then the hallway vanished as she looked up.
Now a massive asteroid was in view up close, and it cast a large, dark shadow upon them. Inch by inch, it drifted across their vision. They stepped back and saw how it stretched a hundred miles.
Arielle didn’t question how they were standing and breathing in outer space. They just stood there and watched as the asteroid approached the planet on the right — a small, rocky planet with rugged brown land and pale blue waters, with some murky yellow clouds in its atmosphere.
Time seemed to accelerate as the asteroid drifted closer and closer, as if the planet wanted impact. And then it collided with a flash. A thick cloud of dust swept over the planet, which crumbled and shook. The air caught on fire, and chunks of rock fell.
Arielle blinked once. Twice. And soon the flames died off.
She looked away into the expanse of stars, which seemed to be trying to tell her something. But she was deaf in this endless vacuum of space… numb, cold and quiet.
Then she turned to the stranger beside her and saw a tear running down his cheek. In his eyes, she noticed the wavering reflection of stardust, but he didn’t say anything.
-
c l o u d s
~ + ~
Looking up, I am mesmerized
They’re like lofty mountains
or floating islands
or cotton candy blankets
And sometimes, they feel alive
as if they also breathe
like snowy white bears,
only they’re up there
Those peaceful giants,
how they float across
the sea of the sky
I stare, transfixed,
tears in my eyes
No wonder.
~ + ~